religion... this otta b fun!

As a child and teen, I was very religious and active in the church. I have known and loved God for as long as I can remember. If you want to know the day I repeated back the "magic" ask-jesus-into-your-heart prayer; that was when I was 6 at an afternoon Bible club at Debbie Ritter's house, but I believe that my faith in Christ goes back further than that. My faith has always been my own, not because of my family (although that helped!) or any other pressures. I did buy into the ritual, the programs and doctrines and even the self-righteous judgment of church and religion. Before this goes any further, I want to say that I love the foundation my family and the conservative baptist church gave me. I just have a new out-look, plus an opinion or two on the corruption that can come with religion. Remember that it was the super righteous, religious leader who had Jesus crucified...


My faith has not changed... God is my God, and that's that.... if anything it is deeper, stronger.

BUT... I am not very "religious" these days. We rarely attend a church on sunday mornings, and we have yet to find a church nearby that we want to attend. This has very little to do with the churches themselves, rather it has more to do with my poor health, combined with laziness and some shyness. It is strange to walk into a new place of worship... what are the customs and norms? how should we dress? and why in the world do we have to meet in the morning???

I miss our home church. But even when we were meeting here, there was always something missing... sometimes it was music, other times it was simply that I felt like I was doing EVERYTHING and the others were being dragged along. It became too heavy, so we stopped meeting. I wish someone else would have taken the reigns and continued the work, but I see now that I am not skilled at making disciples among my peers. Give me anybody under the age of 18, and I'm a wiz... but I have never been good at teaching leadership to those my own age, whom may even follow my leading. Thinking about it now, it is really the Holy Spirit who causes someone to come forward to become a leader, to take that next step. Perhaps I am being both too hard on myself and presumptuous, to believe that I was the one really in charge of developing gifts and leadership in others. Either way, that ministry is gone now, and I wait for my next direction.

As I am feeling more human every day, I feel the need to do some research, some probing into where God would have us worship, minister, and receive the blessings and support of being in a family and a group of Christian friends who challenge and care for us. I am looking for that healthy group of real people and an authentic experience of worship and sharing.

To be honest, I have some issues with the basic structure of most modern christian churches. I despise "church speak." Why are the benches called pews? Why do people put such an emphasis on "the pulpit" and what is spoken when behind it? Don't they know that this structure was introduced from the pagan forms of worship to appease the locals into becoming "Christians?" And what happened to fun? Why can't adult church be more like youth group? Three generations have fallen away from the church, usually happening after they graduate from the youth group... some may stay if you have a good young singles group, but as soon as you stick us in those "pews," we want out! I'm see this trend continue, but the new forms of church and worship are developing and drawing in those who don't do "church." I hope to be part of that movement!

And what is with the power-tripping head pastors? The definition of a pastor is one who cares for and tends to the children of god. Like the True Shepherd, they are to follow Jesus' example of humility and love. I believe this is often different from the person who has the gift of preaching and/ or teaching. And both of those people may not have the gift of evangelism. These things are why we have a body of many people with many gifts, but in our modern churches, usually only the paid staff is in control and doing all the work. A healthy body uses all it's parts, and honors them as equals. The structure I have seen is that the pastor is in charge of the church, perhaps with an elders board (often women are not allowed on this board.)

As a youth pastor's kid I have seen behind the curtain; the great and powerful Oz is a fraud. I don't mean God; He is everything you can dream of and more... He's amazing and real as real can be! The wrench in the system is the guy standing up front, pretending his shit don't stink. They call people into their private chambers to condemn and judge as if this was what God had called them to do. This example is not specific to any one incident... I have stories from back when I was a kid, and I have stories from just this last year. Often, as is usually the case of any person who takes it upon himself to judge others, that person has even bigger problems and issues. Brings to mind a verse about a speck vs. a log in people's eyes... I have seen too much to respect someone's authority just because he has a title.

The Quakers (the North West Yearly Meeting of Evangelical Friends) that I associate with seem to have the best ideal behind their church organization... we have "released" ministers, meaning they are paid and released from having another job, so they can work at the church and other ministries full-time. They are also "recorded" ministers, but some recorded ministers are not paid, such as Tom and I. We were the pastors of our home church, but that was an unusual church, even for the Quakers. We were a group of misfits, who gathered at our house for dinner and worship sunday evenings. We called it family church, because the kids stayed together with the adults, doing worship activities that included the whole family.

The best example of a true, gifted pastor and teacher, is Mike Huber of West Hills Friends Church. He takes the time to know the people in the church. He encourages others to minister. The ideal philosophy is that we are all ministers called to serve in what ever capacity God has given us to share, and to use our gifts and talents to minister to each other. Mike has the attitude of humility and the heart to serve, even though he is one of the smartest, wisest people I have ever met. If anyone has reason to be full of himself, it would be Mike, who has his degree from Princeton, has been a pastor at the same church for almost 20 years - a church that he helped grow from almost nothing. And yet, he does not do anything without the approval of all of the people in the church. He is only one voice, equal to those around him. He is authentic and transparent, never pretending to be anything else. I adire him very much.

Also, the Quakers have a cool process for conducting church business meetings. First of all, they are still called meetings for worship. At WHF, they pray and have a time of silence before the meeting, to center down and be listening for God's leading. They don't vote; all must be in agreement, or it doesn't happen. Doesn't that sound crazy? Even more crazy, is that it works. Business gets passed, all people are satisfied and it is a process that honors everybody's rights and feelings.

So why haven't we found a church here in this area? Funny fact: when I attended George Fox in the '90's, Newberg had the most churches per capita (sp?) in the whole country (maybe even world, I'm not sure.) The one church we have visited is the church that Tom's parents and brother now attend. They had been founding members of West Hill, but they got old and moved to Newberg. That's what all good north west Quakers do... you live once here for college. Then you come back to live in the manor when you get old.

Sorry, I got distracted and didn't even answer the question that began that last paragraph. We don't really feel that we fit in at his parents' church, although the pastor there is also one of those few pastors I admire and enjoy knowing. It just hasn't clicked, so I know we need to search some more. We've had tons of offers and suggestions... which takes me back to the beginning of this ramble; I've been sick, we're busy and tired (or lazy,) and WHY? Why does it have to be in the morning... those of you with PM church meetings, give us your info! =-)

My request to you, dear reader, (I've always wanted to write that!) is that you pray for us, and continue to invite us to visit your churches, etc. For those of you who don't believe in prayer, or church, or even God... wow, you're still reading? Thank you for letting me ramble. What ever your beliefs and faith, you know that I adore you all! I love God first and most, but religion can go jump in a lake if it stands between you and me!

Have a great rest of the week... hopefully, I'll ramble again B4 halloween, but if I don't, then have a happy halloween, happy all saints day, happy day of the dead, happy harvest, and happy united nations day!

<3>

PS. I have a Dr apt 2day... pray that we move 4word w/ a new idea i have. And a big thank you to those of u who continue 2 pray 4 me! u r such a blessing 2 me! (haha, that sounded kinda "church-talk"ish... but i like the word blessing.) C ya!