It's been a while, baby.

I have been an inactive blogger as of late, due to... life (and death.)

Thank you to all of my friends who prayed for my friend, Aaron, who just last week passed away due to cancer. We were blessed with 3 more years than the doctors gave him. He even had his "expiration date" tattooed on the back of his neck. His theme, "life is good, cancer sucks, choose joy" spread to thousands of people through his FaceBook page and his blogs. His attitude was inspiring, because it was real and true. He shared his journey with all of us.

I met Aaron in Springfield; I can't remember if it was at school or at church. Either way, we became fast friends, sharing similar passions for theater, comedy, and God. I'm proud to say he had a huge crush on me. This is not my vanity speaking, it speaks more to my admiration of his good taste. As luck would have it, he was younger than I, so we never dated. Instead, we had a blast being friends at youth group, backstage, and jumping speed bumps in my little Mazda.

We lost touch after school, as most people do. My family finally convinced me to join FaceBook, where I not only became reacquainted with my high school buddy, but also his wife, Kristin, who had been in my middle school sunday school class that I taught. It took only a short time to reconcile my knowledge of them as individuals into a married couple. That year they stopped by our family Christmas gathering. They had only been married a couple years, and i was thrilled to see how much they loved each other.

Only a month after that reunion did Aaron discover he had advanced colon cancer. It had already moved to some of his other organs. That's when he was given 6 months to live...

And boy did he live! Although he is about my age, he had just "restarted" his life when he married kristin, so (like most newly-weds) they were broke. But Aaron did more in those 3+ years than most people do in their "long" lives. He also reached the status of a local celebrity, due to his attitude towards life and death and cancer and joy. Only a short time after being diagnosed, he won a stand-up comedy event and was crowned "funniest man in eugene/ sprinfield." He even sold ad space on his urn to help leave his wife with less debt. That one got him international recognition. I bought an ad for my "aunt nonnie" books and merchandise. PETA purchased big ads; my favorite is an anti KFC ad that says, "i've kicked the bucket, have you?"

A mutual friend owns Cry Baby Ink. He not only bought ads, but he covered aaron and kristin to their hearts content with awesome tats. Inspired by Aaron, and knowing Greg would do a good job, I also got a "choose joy" tat with a comedy mask overlapping the tragedy mask. I designed it and Greg inked it on. ( Let me just interject here, for those of you who wimp out because of any "pain" involved in tattooing, you're a weenie!) I was thrilled. but when i went to pay, Greg wouldn't let me... because it was for Aaron. I surprised Aaron and Kristin at dinner that night with it. What a wonderful time! *cry baby ink is in the valley river mall in eugene and greg rocks!

Aaron's memorial was a week ago. but I didn't cry until tonight. It was a good, cleansing release. Now I'm ready to move on and look forward to seeing Aaron and our friend, Mark, in heaven, making me giggle and snort for eternity. For now, i miss my joker, my adviser, my friend. Life is better for having known Aaron, and I thank God for the time I had with him.

At one point towards the end, Aaron wrote that he felt as if he were living to die. His death had a name and was an omnipresent burden, but aren't we all living to die? I say this not to be morbid; instead, treat today as if it were on borrowed time. Is it worth those precious minutes wasted on bickering or gossip? Hug your dad as if it was the last time, skip mowing the lawn and go bug-hunting with your son, tell those around you how much you love them. And remember to choose joy!

love, -jay-

ps... please pray for tom's family. his parents desperately need to move into the manor, especial his mom, but his father keeps throwing up road blocks. if things don't happen as they should by the end of this month, it will be an ugly situation. tom and his bother are meeting with their parents tomorrow afternoon (unless his dad can weasel out of it.) please pray for tom and his brother, rick... this has taken a toll on them. mostly pray that ron (the dad) will do the RIGHT thing. thank you!

not what i had intended to write about...

I have another blog in the works, but...

rough day coming up tomorrow... I will be attending a memorial service for a friend from college, Mark Brewer. We jokingly called each other the ER buddies, cuz one of us was always in there but never at the same time.
(in the pic, he is on the far right.)

Mark was born with heart problems (to put it in simple terms.) He was not supposed to live past the age of 9, so dying at 40 is really a triumph! But to me, it is very bitter-sweet. I selfishly want my pal back here, joking around with me... pulling me out of my funk with his off-the-wall comments!

I know that he knows god and is now jumping around in a new, pain-free body, waiting to party with me in heaven. It's a nice thought... but it doesn't really fill the skinny, pierced, wild-child shaped hole in my life right now.

He leaves behind an ex-wife, who still loves him and cared for him deeply, and three kids, who love their dad like crazy. He also leaves behind all the pain and worry and pills etc.... and he is at peace. I pray that those of us who loved him also find peace... and the spirit of comfort.
-jay-

ps... I don't know all the details, but...

please pray for my friend, Pat, otherwise known at West Hills Friends Church as "the gum lady." She is recovering from surgery for colon cancer. It must have happened very quickly, because I just found out about it today. She is the pastor's mother-in-law, and one of the few elder (but not that old!) Christian women I know, whom I would want to emulate and has inspired me to be a better person. I admire her grace and generosity... and i hope to have her around for many more years! So please pray, and also remember her family in your prayers. They are all very close.

ch-ch-ch-changes...

life is moving fast and changing all around us:

My newest niece was recently born. Baby Dalliah has been here for a month now and i haven't gotten over to see her yet! Hopefully soon!

My bro, jeff, and his wife, heather and all my flower nieces live over the mountain. I miss having them right here in town.

Jeff has changed jobs, but is still working in the great out-doors.

Heather's brother passed away.

Bubba went back to high school as a sophomore.

Now Taven is home schooled.

My bro-in-law finally has power of attorney for his parents.

Ron needs to admit that he needs to move into the manor for the sake of his wife!

Meridith's health is really bad. If you have time to spare to visit them, and maybe even bring a meal, that would really help. I have been too sick to help, and poor Tom has his hands full with me and the 4 kids. She needs interaction, and they both need nutritious meals.

As for my health... it is slowly getting better. Up and down, but more ups these days.

My cousin Ryan is home for good and now has custody of his son! YAY!

My baby cousin Joy is getting married to a great guy.

Still more and more divorces bombard us from surprising friends and relationships.

My best buddy, Jos, moved home... just across the street, where he belongs.

I lost 2 30-year-old friendships over stupid things... I did my best to save them, but it takes both parties to want to care and love and forgive and move on. I was initially at fault, and I fell on my face with remorse and apologies. I tried to show that I had changed, and was told not to contact them anymore. So I honor that. I grieved for a while and now hope to move on, remembering the good times...

We are painting and changing rooms. I now get the big office in the back, and Tom has his work space near the kitchen area. We are selling all our crap on ebay, so be sure to check it out. We hope to earn enough money for a new TV.

My cousin, Keemun, is an amazing house painter, inside and out. Give me a call if you need his services. He really does a great, professional job!

My other sis-in-law, Katie is also pregnant... that #4 for them and #11 for my parents as grand parents.

My buddy with cancer has just celebrated another birthday that wasn't supposed to happen! keeping the joy.

Another miracle, Baby Z, who was not supposed to survive birth, is now 4 months old. Unfortunately, she is in the hospital now with more breathing issues, but they hope to bring her back home this week.

My little cutie from high school, Chris, has grown up to be a rock star in a band... I'm hoping to be well enough to see "Cracker" rock it on stage with his band, Restruct.

We are all in denial about the number 40!

Haley is turning 9 on Easter. Her face is changing, growing mature and beautiful, and she's all legs! If my predictions are right, watch out, because here comes the world's next super model!!!

And my little bundle of cute, Ania, no longer has that baby face... she's move on to adorable big girl, with a smile that lights up any room! And she loves to learn.

My parents retired and now travel constantly! They're loving it... I just never know where they are!

We no longer have a church that meets in our home, and we've finally found
a place that we love. I honestly never thought I would ever go to a traditional church again... in a way I was right. The Dundee Covenant Church that meets at the old Clamity Janes building; a building where 10 years ago, my parents and i walked around and asked God to use this building for a new kind of church. I dare you to come see if it happened.

Tsunamis and earthquakes are shaking up our world... I'm gettin involved with g group working to stop human trafficking! Get involved in something. There is so much that needs to be done.

More and more doctor appointments!

The only cat I ever love, Sweetie, died. I miss her.

My ER buddy passed away. He wasn't supposed to live past 9, so 40 ain't too shabby! It still sucks, and I miss him.

oh, and daylight savings time...

Facebook fall out!

I need to clarify 2 things. I'll start with the stupidest and least important one:

I feel the need to declare that I have not (nor will I) had an affair, neither on line, on the phone, nor in person. I worked very hard to help a former boy-friend, who lied to me and used our contact to make himself feel better during a difficult time in his life, until he got a girlfriend. Turns out, during this time he was nailing anything that would say yes, and even those of us who were just being nice, he is now trying to tell people that we had sexual conversations and is inferring more!

Those of you who know me understand that I tend to be flirty when I talk to people... male or female! I am very affectionate, and I hug everybody... and even kiss my friends! I MAY have hugged this person when I saw him for the first time in 25 years. I also talked about the good times we had when we were younger (he didn't get sex then, either!) I will discuss anything honestly and openly, but there was nothing that he could have even misunderstood as a sexual relationship! It's a shame I have to even talk about this, but he is telling mutual friends that we were involved. I take my marriage and fidelity VERY seriously. I have the most amazing, trusting husband in the world, who is the only person I have ever had sex with, and visa-versus (sp?) We worked hard to be this way, so it is important that people know the truth!

You are welcome to ask me ANYTHING, either privately or publicly. I have nothing to hide!

The second thing is more important, because I have really harmed a relationship that I care about, and I need to make sure that I haven't hurt others. In my effort to be witty, I trampled on the reputation of an old friend, and I did that for over a year. Please don't let me do this! If I hurt your feelings, tell me the first time. If I joke about something that is important to you, please tell me.

I am hoping to repair the damage I have done, but it will take time. My friends are very important to me, so I will do what ever it takes to make things better. If you have suggestions, let me know!

Anyway, that's all I have to say about that...
-jay-

Ps. prayer request time is for me and my friend. Pray for healing and forgiveness!

idiocracy...

Have u seen the movie, "Idiocracy"? It's worth the watch just for the basic concept; as far as acting and production value, low on the must see list, but if you have an interest in seeing our future, watch this movie!

We have become a "no consequence" society... and the Billy Bobs of this world are breeding like it's (insert dirty reference here)!

I am a bad, bad quaker, and a worse christian for my uncharitable thinking when it comes to welfare, but if we stop and do the math, the human race will "out-dumb" itself into extinction in about 3 generations, because there ARE consequences!

So i leave this for whomever surpasses the human race and can still read... don't make life too easy. Teach your children to play games with winners and losers, because, in the long-run, life is NOT fair. Teach your sons that they are not horny animals with no will-power. Don't hand out condoms, because they "will do it anyway." Without looking up the stats, I will put money on the sad fact that the number of teen pregnancies and cases of STDs among our kids has gone up in the areas where condoms have been made accessible in school clinics (Roosevelt High in pdx being one.) Let your child fall; it will teach him about gravity! Teach your daughter to stand on her own two feet and to make good choices to begin with, instead of teaching her how to work the system. Most of our mistakes are not flushable... and even the ones that may be, often leave a stench behind.

If these words go unheeded, you will be developing a welfare nation, where eventually no one is working, and you just get more money by shooting out more fatherless children! Then you are doomed to follow the great humans into extinction...

I find it difficult to reconcile my beliefs in Biblical generosity with my more Darwinian logic. I guess it is the same as my duel belief in Creation and the big Bang... what other sound would it make when God creates the world? Perhaps what I believe to be "Biblical" is more "religious" and "guilt," rather than an honest look at what God would have us do.

Thinking back to creation, God did not make us to live in the world in which we live... I also don't know why a perfect God would let things fall the way they now lay (or is it lie?)... I just see the end of "civilization" as we know it looming in the near future, and it irks me to be the only one who seems to realize it!

Which is why I loved the stupid movie, "Idiocracy." I am not alone in my fears! And I LOVE the bathroom of the future!

Right now I feel like that little ant, trying to move that rubber tree plant... to stop the avalanche of all the other rubber tree plants!!!! But I plod along, contradicting the schools' teaching, showing my children that there really are consequences in life and how to make the right choices to begin with, not how to cover up the mess afterward.

Am I alone in this? Leaving aside religion, and even a simple belief in God or god, if we ruled our lives by the basic principles in the Bible, then we would not be in this mess to begin with. Love it or hate it, the truth is that rules and morals are created for our own protection. I dislike when religious leaders declare that AIDS is God's retribution on homosexuality; couldn't it be the other way around? Perhaps God gave sexual guidelines for our own health and well-being... like any good "parent" or creator would, knowing the troubles and problems ahead. Going with this thought, at what point is our help more of just enabling? WWJD? Don't ask me! I can only say what Jaymi might do... and that's way too complicated for me to really answer with any honesty right here and now.

So what do we glean from this rant?
1. people should do the right thing.
2. if all people did the right thing, then there would be very little need for charity.
3. people are stupid and don't do the right thing... thus making even stupider people who do even worse things.
4. the end of all things is near; therefore be clear headed and have self-control. Care for each other, without complaining... use your skills, gifts and talents to help each other. Pray for those who have troubles. Do something about what you pray about if possible. Don't judge others... just do your very best! This is what brings joy and praise to you, others, and God! (i kind of ripped off Peter, the bi-polar apostle, on this one, but it's okay cuz he's my favorite Bible person, and I totally jaymified it.)
5. i love you... i love god.... nothing else really matters!

I would invite you to agree or (even better) disagree with me! post your comments! i dare u!
-jay-

ps. one child born to amazing parents needs your prayers... Baby Z is the 3 week-old daughter of my good friend Nanana and her husband, Nestero. Two people, who have already shown themselves to be amazing first-time parents, are needing continued miracles for their baby! She's doing great for a child who wasn't supposed to survive birth! She is breathing and eating on her own, which meant she was able to go home after only a week in the hospital, but her bones are super brittle and need to grow to continue to support her basic functions, such as breathing. So take a moment and pray for fragile little Zayana Grace, or just baby Z, or even my own personal nick name for her : little fluffy. God knows who she is... and for some reason, even tho he knows it all, god still asks us to pray... so i'm passing on that same request. Please pray. Thanx!

Brain damage

I know many of u r waiting 4 info on this, and i promise to write it all up as soon as i know 4 sure. i took a horrible 3 hour test yesterday that should show if I am eligible for the treatment i believe will really help me... i promise more details later, including the torture test and what part of my brain is damaged!
-jay-

Happy new year....

I have to get up in less than 2 hours to get the girls off to school, but I wanted to share my first attempt at artistic photography and graphic arts... not a big deal, but not too shabby for a first.

Please pray for us as we get Bubba re-enrolled in High school. At this point I'm not fighting to have him keep up w/ the grade he should be with, but we're gonna put him in a a second half freshman. Mostly because he refused to do the work to stay ahead. I was working harder than he, and that's not doing him any favors... so back to his other peer group. These are the kids with whom he attended grade school. His future is his own, and I am learning to let him blow it... I've never seen such a stupid smart kid! Ugh! =-) I just need to chillax a bit.

We will be addressing their 504 plans this week as well; this is how the school will make adaptations (by law) for our high IQ ADHD kids! And they WILL make those adaptations, or some administrators will be looking for new jobs!!!

New Years Resolution: to Blog a lot more! (lucky you!?!)
Love u all!
-jay-